I read an interesting story in the Jew York Times the other day, about how the U.S. is officially recognizing the Libyan rebels and will release to them 30 billion dollars of frozen Libyan assets. Sounds like an exciting step in the fight for democracy in Libya, yes? Not to MBM, it doesn't. That sounds about as smart to me as going to Bloomies to buy the very same dress you can get at a fraction of the price down on Orchard St. Or for those of you who are not New Yorker’s, it means why should you buy retail when you can get it wholesale for a fraction of the price?
For good reason we don't do retail. Even without the help of learned MBA's, Suzie Ormond, and Bottom Line Personal, we understand that if you cut out the middleman you wind up saving a bundle. And that's exactly how I look at it. Regime change, (they called it revolution back then) works like this: You want to buy a democracy (or if not a democracy at least a more friendly, i.e. more controllable government). The old way was to support the dissidents and rebels. Surreptitiously, of course, though we were fooling no one. Then you sat back and waited. Sometimes you waited quite a while. But regime change, takes a while, and is costly. That's buying retail.
Buying wholesale, you cut out the middleman. You cut out the dissidents. They're not important, they're just the middlemen, just a means to the end, the end being regime change. Better you go directly to the source: “Yoo hoo, Mr. Regime, how much for the whole shebang? We want to buy it all, lock stock and barrel. Just name your price. Pack up, hand us the keys, and zay gezunt.” (Hasta la vista, baby.) And that's how you buy regime change wholesale.
And I know all you private school educated honor students are shaking your heads saying, “MBM, you don't understand politics. Some dictators are power crazy demonic lunatics, who can't simply be bought off so easily.” To which I say, feh!
Which reminds me of the time Uncle Max, (who lacked charm and manners, but understood something of the ways of the world) once approached a beautiful young lady standing on a street corner and asked her for a “date.” The young lady looked disdainfully at Uncle Max and told him in no uncertain terms, “Mister, I'm no whore.”
“Oh?” said Uncle Max.
“That's right,” continued the lady. “I wouldn't sleep with you for a million bucks.”
“Well then,” said Uncle Max with a smile, “I think we've established exactly what you are, and now we're just haggling over the price.”
See everyone has their price. Even crazy totalitarian dictators.
In regards to Gaddafi, some sources report he has been sending out feelers looking for an exit strategy. Contacting French officials in search of an asylum. And while we may believe he belongs in an asylum what he was really looking for was a safe haven. And while I'm no real estate tycoon, I think 30 billion can buy a pretty safe haven (in a good school district to boot!)
Money can be used as a carrot or a schtick. Look at Iraq. In the fight for freedom we sent billions of dollars (in suitcases!) that mysteriously disappeared. Now that’s funny. Billions unaccounted. From the hands of jokers into the hands of jokers. (Who does the Pentagon’s accounting? Not a yeshiva brucha. And what about receipts? “Always get receipts,” said Uncle Samuel. For the coke, the corned beef and the 3 carrot diamond marquise. And what about traveler’s checks? You too important to sign all those checks?)
Wholesale or retail? I say spend the money where it will give you the biggest bang for the buck. You can hire a lawyer to sue the seamstress who didn’t finish the alterations, or you can give the money directly to the seamstress and have her do it right this time. Money can cause tsuris (problems, as in a hiring a lawyer, or paying rebels) or it can be a mitzvah (a blessing, like a nice safe cinderblock compound in (French New) Guinea for familia Gaddafi. Woody Allen said it most famously (though he was certainly not the first): Take the money and run.
So carrot or schtick? You want to leave them laughing or you want them to just plain leave?
And Bubeleh, speaking of carrot and leaving, I'm leaving a nice slice of that Ebbinger's Carrot Cake you love so much out on the kitchen table, but I wouldn't want it to get stale so please maybe tonight you'll stop by, yes?
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