Happy July Fourth. In today’s world it’s practically de rigueur to post on Independence Day. To not do so would be seen as unpatriotic and un-American. Almost as bad as un-fed, (but not as bad as un-dead.) <Insert Bar Mitzvah Tip: Always order more Pigs ‘n Blankets than your caterer suggests. Has your caterer met Aunt Esther?>
So Happy Independence Day. And let me say this now: Independence Day Shmendependence Day. First, independence is highly overrated. Sure it sounds attractive at first, coming and going as you please, doing what ever you want, being your own boss. But let me ask you this, Mister Independence, how does it feel coming home to an empty house? Whose gonna get you your seltzer now, and whose going to listen to you kvetch. You think your little chippies want to hear about how that goniff Weinstein is trying to take you to court?
It’s like I tell my son, “Bubeleh, sure you want to be your own boss, but as the Great Rabbi of Litvok said 'A man who is his own boss has a putz for a worker.' To which the Great Rabbi of Peshaw added, 'A man who has to beg himself for a raise has a putz for a boss.' Which led the equally great Rabbi Yakov of Canarsie to comment, 'Everyone wants a bigger putz, but two, feh.'"
My brother-in-law Artie is a perfect example. A lost soul, no idea what he wanted, or how to get it. Then luckily he got married. And suddenly he had direction. A little voice in his ear telling him. A happier man you never met.
Men, bless their hearts, need a woman to tell them what to do. And forgive me for saying this, but their mommas aren’t going to live forever. You understand what I’m saying, yes.
Which brings up the second point about independence. Sure we fought a war, and sent the redcoats running, but independent? Whose independent? Now I know many of you are nodding and thinking “Yes, MBM, this is so true. We are more dependent than ever on foreign oil, foreign imports, and foreign labor.” You may be right, I’m not saying you aren’t, but I try to stay away from the politics. Let the smarties with nothing better to do talk politics.
(Which reminds me of my father, who one day was playing pinochle with his friends:
After the cards were dealt the first man sighed heavily, “Oy,” he said.
The second man said “Oy vey.”
Then the third said, Oy vey iz mir.”
And my father threw down his cards and said, “If you guys are going to talk politics, I’m leaving.”)
So forgive me, I don’t talk politics (if I can help it). It’s the way I was brought up. But it’s not foreign influence that keeps us dependent, it’s mother influence. Yes, every time I do something, (cook his flanken, iron his shirts,) my husband looks at me and though, bless his heart he no longer says it, (it hurts to get hit with a skillet, yes). <Insert education Tip: A cast iron skillet can be a very effective teaching aid.> Well, even though he doesn’t say it, I can see it in his eyes: “That’s not the way my mother does it.” She hasn’t done it in decades but he still thinks about how his mother does it. And ladies, we’re no better. We hear our mothers too. In everything we do, or don’t do, or don’t do as well. (Yes, we get it from both sides.) I know, they’re only trying to help, but if you want to help come over and watch the kids.
(Many years ago I was sick with the flu, when the phone rang:
“Hello, darling…”
“Hello Mother” I say.
“What’s the matter?” she asks.
I say, “I’m sick and I have to pick up the kids from school, then go shopping, because there are some clients coming over for dinner tonight…”
“Darling, don’t worry. I’ll be out there in an hour. I’ll pick up the kids, I’ll do the shopping, I’ll do the cooking. You know how Barry loves my brisket…”
“Whose Barry?” I ask.
“Barry, your husband…”
“My husband is Mitchell…”
“Is this 686-3075?”
“No, it’s 686-3076.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Does this mean you’re not coming?”
None of us are independent. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe as we come to accept that we are dependent–dependent on every level–things will get better. If you have something I need maybe I’m not so superior to you. Maybe I felt I was better than you, or stronger than you, but I need what you have all the same. So maybe I’m not such a big shot. Maybe I should have a little more humility and treat you a little nicer. Remember the great Rabbi of Litvok who said, “You catch more men with schmaltz herring than you do with a horse tether.” To which the Great Rabbi of Peshaw said, “A humble herring on a plate is more enticing than a whole haddock in the attic.” Which led the equally great Rabbi Yakov of Canarsie to comment, “Who wants a man with herring, even schmaltz herring? A man with money is much better than a man with herring. And as to haddocks in the attic, something smells fishy.”
Needing is not fishy. Asking for, is not fishy. But asking for and not giving back, that’s fishy. Asking for with your fingers crossed behind your back is fishy. We live in an interdependent world. Physicists know this, ecologists know this, cooks know this. Add a little too much garlic, or too little salt and it affects the whole stew. We’re no longer a melting pot, we’re a stew. We’re all stewing on this planet. Some of us are even angry. But being angry doesn’t make one more independent, it just makes it harder to go across the street and borrow a cup of sugar.
Let’s stop being angry. Let’s cross the street, cup in hand. Someday they’ll need two eggs. That’s interdependence. And if you think I’m just talking sugar and eggs, take a look at the Brazilian rain forest, the Polar ice cap, Asian Bird Flu, and Japanese radioactive fallout. Not to mention the economic meltdown of Greece, Ireland and the Euro. They all effect us, and not just because we can’t get parts for our Prius. That’s interdependence. So let’s celebrate Independence Day on July 4th but on the 5th through the 30th lets try celebrating interdependence.
And by the way, Mister Independent, the clothes you dropped off are washed and ironed… so maybe Bubeleh, you could call sometime when you don’t need something cleaned.
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